D Day

Today is Day 1 of not turning back. The doors of yesterday have closed permanently. No matter how hard I try to open the doors of familiarity and comfort they will not open.

I have started my food log. Who would have thought writing something down would make you feel accountable. You could lie...there's nobody watching you...but for some reason I can't. I thought about getting one of those yummy thick chocolate candy bars someone in my office is selling. But I stopped...I'll have to write it down...*inner demon* No you won't, no one will know!...yes they will because I might as well buy that chocolate bar and glue it on my forehead for everyone to see! Besides...I'll have to write it down and that's worse because it will always be there for ME to look at.

I did my homework last night. I wrote out my goals and sent them to Sham. No turning back. That was really hard, you'd think all you would have to say is...I want to be 125 pounds. Wrong! No matter what the number is you'll always want it to be smaller when you get there. You know how it is, you think your fat at any given time and years later you go back and look at those photos and realize you were really thin! Look at you now! Now you're wishing you appreciated yourself more then. You can't put a number on that but you can definitely feel it when you look in the mirror and like what you see.

So today is Day 1 of not turning back. I know there are going to be days when I might be scratching at the sealed door so I can just taste what it was like to be comfortable again. Those are the days when I'm going to have to dig down deep and tell myself to, Suck It Up!, as I've told so many other people before - including my kids.

It's D-Day, no turning back.